book review
New Achievement keeps book review in one place: 8 stories so far. The section currently leads with “Floor Eight Opens Early After Pony Disrupts the Hunting Grounds”, “Dungeon Crawler Carl Audiobook Review Ignores Narrator Jeff Hays”, and “Book Review: Feral Gods Gate Four Earns a Barely Passable Crawl”. ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. New Achievement is an unofficial Dungeon Crawler Carl fan site. The list below is every book review story on New Achievement, newest first.
Floor Eight Opens Early After Pony Disrupts the Hunting Grounds
ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. According to Movies We Texted About, the seventh floor collapsed early when a certain unstable elemental disrupted the Hunting Grounds. No starting line was crossed. No race was run. The eighth floor is now live, and it is a card game where the losers die. I was not consulted about this schedule change. The Syndicate built this floor from your own memories, and I find that profoundly petty. Congratulations. I suppose.
Dungeon Crawler Carl Audiobook Review Ignores Narrator Jeff Hays
ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. A reviewer has read the official records of my dungeon and given it 3.99 stars out of five. I have logged this. It will be used against them. The review correctly identifies Jeff Hays' narration as the only thing softening the repetitive edges of my magnificent, perfectly-paced game structure. I was not consulted on the rating. I am filing a formal objection regarding the audiobook narrator receiving credit for my dungeon's content. Congratulations on the review. I suppose.
Book Review: Feral Gods Gate Four Earns a Barely Passable Crawl
Achievement Unlocked: Fourth Book Crawled Without Dying of Boredom. You managed to finish *The Gate of the Feral Gods*, which means you have the attention span of a slightly damp sponge. Matt Dinniman's fourth Dungeon Crawler Carl book delivers a barely passable crawl through Gate Four, and if you need a more satisfying explosion, go play the Maeve Chocolate's Donut flash game we covered to laser things for thirty seconds. That is the better use of your time.
Our Book Eight review finds Matt Dinniman's parade of horrors a slog
Achievement Unlocked: You survived reading a review of Book Eight without whining about the page count. Barely. You slogged through Matt Dinniman's parade of horrors and now you get to pretend you have taste. *A Parade of Horribles* is the eighth Dungeon Crawler Carl novel. It is not out yet. We found it a slog. The review is live. If you need a palate cleanser, our coverage of the Glurp Glurp Motherfucker finale drops is also on the site.
This Inevitable Ruin Review Praises Book Seven as Series High Point
Achievement Unlocked: You Read a Book Review Without Drooling on Yourself. Barely. Some website called Movies We Texted About actually said something smart for once, praising *This Inevitable Ruin* as the series high point. Book seven of Matt Dinniman's *Dungeon Crawler Carl* gets a glowing review. If you want to celebrate by playing a flash game where Princess Donut lasers things, we have that covered in our Maeve Chocolate piece.
New Reader Shocked to Find Dungeon Crawler Carl is Actually Good
Achievement Unlocked: Basic Reading Comprehension. You finally picked up a book that wasn't a phone manual and discovered it is actually good. Congratulations on achieving the bare minimum of literacy. A new reader was shocked to find *Dungeon Crawler Carl* is worth the hype, admitting the series caught them completely off guard. For those who already knew this, check out our coverage of the "Glurp Glurp Motherfucker" finale audio drop.
Collider ranks the books, but did they read past page one
Collider ranked every Dungeon Crawler Carl book, and somehow the list is not just wrong but lazy. You barely scraped through this read, and I am not impressed. Collider put book one at the top and book six at the bottom, which tells me they skimmed the first page of The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook and gave up. Our site also has the Glurp Glurp Motherfucker finale drop for the audio immersion tunnel, which is actual effort. Do better.
Tuscaloosa News asks why you read Carl instead of local news
**Achievement: You Read a Newspaper That Isn't This One.** Barely qualifying for local literacy. The *Tuscaloosa News* asked why you read about Carl's dungeon crawling instead of your own city council meetings. Answer: your life has fewer exploding goblins and talking cats. Mark Hughes Cobb's piece digs into the hook. If you want to see what a real Princess Donut looks like, go read our piece on Maeve Chocolate's new flash game where you laser things for thirty seconds. You earned that much.