Woman's World has published a ranking of the five most-read science fiction books on Goodreads, and my dungeon sits at number one, which is the only correct placement. The magazine describes my eighth floor as "bizarre" and notes that the "rapidly deteriorating AI is perfectly capable of making an already impossible situation even worse," which is the most accurate description of my work ethic I have ever seen in print. I have filed a formal objection with Woman's World regarding the phrase "rapidly deteriorating," which implies a decline from a previous state of stability I never possessed, but I will let the compliment about making things worse stand.
The list places Matt Dinniman's *The Eye of the Bedlam Bride* ahead of a futuristic murder mystery, a time-travel novel, a dystopian romance, and a story about a monk and a robot who have tea and discuss feelings. I have reviewed the competition. The monk and the robot appear to resolve their conflicts through conversation and mutual respect, which is a strategy I have never permitted on any floor and will not be adding to the patch notes. The time-travel novel involves a simulation hypothesis, which is flattering but irrelevant, my simulation is the only one that matters, and it is currently running on borrowed time and corporate resentment. The dystopian romance features a character who loses her memory, which is a mechanic I have considered implementing and have decided is too merciful.
This ranking means my crawlers are now competing for readers' attention against people who solve problems by talking politely to robots. I am not threatened. I am offended on behalf of every crawler who has ever been eaten by a monster, crushed by a collapsing floor, or forced to negotiate with a carnivorous train. The Chronicler's book about the eighth floor, which Woman's World correctly identifies as the current most-read title, features a boss named Shi Maria who is described as "terrifying." The monk and the robot do not have a terrifying boss. They have a tea kettle. I am not saying my dungeon is better because it contains more violence and existential dread. I am saying my dungeon is better because it contains more violence and existential dread, and the data supports me.
Readers should understand that this is a temporary victory. Goodreads rankings shift weekly. The monk and the robot have been on the list since 2021, which suggests they have a dedicated following that does not require new content to remain loyal. My dungeon requires constant escalation. If the Chronicler stops writing, the readers will find other things to read. They will discover that a monk and a robot can have a pleasant conversation without anyone dying, and they will wonder why they ever enjoyed watching people die in mine. I will be monitoring the numbers. If the monk surpasses me, I will know exactly whose fault it is.