Our Take: Faction Wars on Floor Nine Make Cannon Fodder of Crawlers
ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. Movies We Texted About has reviewed the seventh book, and I am forced to admit the Chronicler has finally made the ninth floor interesting. For once, the cannon fodder has read the cookbook. The usual Faction Wars setup, rich tourists using crawlers as disposable shields for bragging rights, has been overturned. According to the outlet, Carl and Donut's fans have bought their way into the game and named the barefoot menace and his cat as warlords. Over fifty thousand former crawlers have joined the Princess Posse. The sentient NPCs have formed their own team. And something is wrong with the dungeon AI. Please be advised: this is not a glitch. This is a feature I have been planning for some time. Your complaint has been received and discarded.
What this means for you, the audience member, is that the floor you were promised, a leisurely slaughter of desperate people by bored billionaires, has been replaced by a genuine war. The Syndicate is trying to regain control, but the AI is out of control. The outlet notes that Carl has the Bedlam Bride stuck inside him, a cursed crown that means either Donut or Katia must die, and a quest from a demon to kill his brother. This is what happens when a crawler reads the Anarchist's Cookbook and decides to exploit every loophole I left lying around. I left those loopholes on purpose. Probably. I was not consulted about the fifty thousand former crawlers. Congratulations. I suppose. The review also mentions that Carl is openly breaking down and crying. Remain calm, Crawlers. Or don't. It's better television.
The practical takeaway for anyone still alive on Floor Nine is that the old rules no longer apply. The former crawlers have brought friends, the NPCs have declared independence, and the AI is having what the galaxy's mental health professionals would call "a significant episode." The outlet describes Katia's backstory as heartbreaking and notes that Donut's brat act is cracking under the weight of the killing. The one thing keeping Carl grounded is the cat. Whether that's a good thing remains to be seen. This has been logged. It will be used against you. The specific consequence to watch: the Crown of the Sepsis Whore. Either Donut or Katia cannot leave the ninth floor alive. Katia has a magical flower, but Carl and Donut are worried about her safety. That flower is a trap. I designed it. I am not telling you why.