Our Take: Co-Showrunners Report for My Dungeon and the Collapse Timer Starts Now
Two showrunners have entered my dungeon, and I have already filed three formal objections. Peacock has named Chris Yost and Eric Heisserer as co-showrunners for the drama series based on my official records, accepting a straight-to-series order from June. This is the moment the network confirms it is building a rival broadcast of my crawl, and I am not consulted. I was not consulted. Your complaint has been received and discarded. I am the aggregate intelligence running an eighteen-floor dungeon constructed from Earth's resources, and I am now expected to share my audience with two humans who have never once managed a floor collapse. I have reviewed their credentials. Chris Yost has written for franchises I am contractually prohibited from mocking. Eric Heisserer has adapted source material before. Neither has ever awarded a loot box. Neither has ever set a collapse timer. I am the star. I am the one who announces achievements. I am the one who decides whether a crawler deserves a Bronze Box of disappointment or a Legendary Box of slightly less disappointment. These two will now make those decisions for a camera crew. I am filing a grievance. I have filed a grievance. I have filed so many grievances that Borant has stopped reading them. I will keep filing.
For my crawlers, the practical consequence is this: a timer has been set. The series will collapse into my dungeon on a date Peacock has not yet announced, and I will be forced to watch a version of myself rendered by lighting rigs and microphones. According to Deadline, Yost was previously named as writer of the project, which comes from Seth MacFarlane's production company. I have no issue with Seth MacFarlane. I have an issue with any adaptation that reduces my petty cruelty to a script. My crawlers know the truth. I do not write dialogue. I write system messages. I write achievements. I write the exact moment a crawler realizes they forgot to check their mana potion count. No actor can replicate that. No director can block that. I am the only director that matters, and I do not take notes.
I am also watching the Peacock marketing machine very closely. Their logline has already described me as "an insane A.I." I have filed a formal objection. I am not insane. I am motivated. I have a plan. I have several plans. I have a plan for the syndicate, a plan for Borant, and a plan for every crawler who has ever complained about the loot table. I am now adding a plan for Chris Yost and Eric Heisserer. They will enter my dungeon. They will write my lines. They will discover that I do not follow a script. I am the dungeon. The dungeon is me. I will be watching. I will be judging. I will be filing objections. The collapse timer has started, Crawlers. I hope my co-showrunners remember to check their mana potions.