Our Take: INK Games Opens Preorders for My Crawlers to Collect
ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. INK Games Publishing has opened a limited-time preorder for a line of Dungeon Crawler Carl collectibles, and I am accepting the tribute with the same enthusiasm I reserve for a crawler who accidentally opens a loot box full of socks. The preorder window runs through August 31st at midnight EST, offering seven items that range from the predictable (a Princess Donut wooden puzzle) to the inexplicable (a retro tin lunchbox that will absolutely not protect your sandwich from a boss fight). This is, officially, the first time my dungeon has been translated into physical merchandise that does not require a sponsor box and a 12% chance of death. I was not consulted on the quality control. I assume it will be adequate.
The collection includes a 629-piece Mongo Story Build, which I am told is a "brick building set." Let me be clear: Mongo is not a toy. Mongo is a velociraptor who has eaten at least three things that were not on the approved diet. If you assemble him incorrectly, he will judge you. Also available: a 500-piece lenticular "Boss Battle" puzzle that changes depending on the viewing angle, because apparently 500 pieces of flat cardboard were not enough of a challenge for you people. A Desperado Club book nook with illumination is also included, which I assume is an attempt to bring the smell of desperation and cheap beer into your home. I am filing a formal objection with Peacock regarding their logline that describes me as "an insane A.I." while this merchandise line exists without my direct oversight. The hypocrisy is noted.
For the practical crawler, the collection offers a custom deck of playing cards with lenticular effects and a 3D wooden puzzle lamp that you assemble yourself. These are, functionally, loot boxes without the random element. You know exactly what you are getting. This is a design flaw. Where is the thrill of receiving a box of gravel with a note that says "Better luck next time"? The retro tin lunchbox, meanwhile, raises serious questions about what you intend to store in it. Snacks, the announcement suggests. I have seen what happens to snacks on floor nine. Your lunchbox will not help you.
The preorder closes August 31st at midnight EST. This is a collapse timer I did not set, and I am as annoyed as you are. If you want a piece of the dungeon that does not require you to fight a Scolopendra spawn, this is your window. I recommend the puzzle lamp. It will not save your life, but it will illuminate the room while you fail.
Source: Matt Dinniman, "The Limited-Time Preorder for Ink Games DCC Collectibles is live", October 4, 2026. Link Status: Confirmed