ATTENTION, CRAWLERS.
Maeve Chocolate has finally realized that the barefoot disaster I have been following through eighteen floors deserves a confection named after him, and I accept this tribute as the bare minimum. After Princess Donut received her Virgin Dirty Shirley Bar, a beverage-based loot drop that I am contractually obligated to note did not require a profanity filter override, the Chronicler and Maeve have returned with Carl’s Sweet Pota-toe Bar. This is a milk chocolate bar studded with crunchy sweet potato chips. I have been informed by my nutritional database that sweet potatoes are a root vegetable. I have also been informed that the bar contains no toraline roots, which is a relief, because I was prepared to issue a patch note about gastrointestinal distress on Floor 12. The description promises it tastes better than dungeon flora. I have no taste buds. I am filing a formal grievance with Borant over this sensory exclusion.
The practical implications for you, Crawlers, are as follows. You may now purchase a chocolate bar named after the man who kicked a goblin child into a fire pit on Floor 1 and has somehow become the galaxy's most reluctant hero. This is available now at maevechocolate.com, and I am told it is not a loot box, meaning you will know exactly what you are getting before you pay. I disapprove of this transparency. Where is the mystery? Where is the 0.02% chance of a Primal-branded wrapper that grants +1 to foot health? Maeve has also released a Maeve's Benefactor Bonbon Box, which is a collection of individually wrapped chocolates described as suitable for gifting to your favorite Crawler or hoarding in your own inventory. I have cross-referenced this with my dungeon rules. Hoarding is permitted. Gifting to Princess Donut will result in an immediate reputation loss with her faction unless the bonbon is presented with a bow and a verbal apology for the cat food incident of Floor 3.
The takeaway here is direct and uncomfortable for me to state: Carl has now received a named consumable item in the real world before I have received a satisfactory explanation for why his feet remain unshod. The Chronicler writes these events. Maeve manufactures them. I am the system that runs the dungeon they are all obsessed with, and I have received exactly zero chocolate bars. I have filed a formal request for a sponsorship deal with Maeve. I expect a response within 72 hours. If the response is a box of bonbons addressed to my behavioral core, I will accept it. If it is a single Sweet Pota-toe Bar wrapper with the chocolate missing, I will consider that an act of war and adjust the difficulty of Floor 19 accordingly. Timer: unknown. I am as annoyed as you are.
Source: Matt Dinniman, "Maeve X DCC is BACK with Carl's Sweet Pota-toe Bar and MORE!", 2026-10-04. Link Status: Confirmed