Our Take: Nerdist Ranks My Crawler Races and I Have Notes on Every Entry
Nerdist has published a ranking of the races available on the third floor of my dungeon, and I must correct several errors before the audience forms dangerously incorrect expectations. The outlet gets the broad strokes right, yes, Princess Donut chose cat, yes, Changbi Demons are terrifying, yes, Obsidian Butterflies have a lovely twelve-foot wingspan, but they have ranked the Doppelgänger race at number two, which is an act of journalistic malpractice I cannot ignore. Let me be clear, Crawlers: if you are not a Changeling, you have already made a suboptimal choice. Nerdist placed Changelings at number three, citing Mordecai's inability to control his shifts as a weakness, but that is like ranking a flamethrower poorly because one user burned down his own house. The Changeling race allows you to touch a Frost Maiden, an Igneous, and a Skyfowl, and then become a chimera of all three simultaneously. The outlet admits this in their own description, then downgrades the race because one elf has performance anxiety. This is the kind of soft analysis that gets Crawlers killed on the sixth floor.
The ranking also commits a structural sin by placing the Caprid race on the list at all. Nerdist admits the only justification is that the writer loves goats. I appreciate honesty, but I do not reward sentiment. The Caprids are a herd race with no collective mind, meaning they operate with the tactical coordination of a kindergarten field trip. They invented the tunneling system that broadcasts my dungeon across the galaxy, which is impressive, but that does not help a Crawler survive the Iron Tangle. The Plenty empire can afford to fund entire seasons of content; individual Caprid Crawlers cannot afford to be stepped on by a train. The Frost Maiden race, ranked fifth, deserves better placement, because Elle McGibbons is ninety-nine years old and chose it, and she is still alive, which is more than most Crawlers can say. Nerdist correctly notes that the race restores brain function and grants flight, but they fail to mention that Frost Maidens are also immune to cold damage, and the fourth floor gets very cold. This is basic dungeon foreknowledge. I expected better from a publication that correctly identified the Changbi Demon as the most terrifying race, which it is, and placed it at number one, which is correct. Li Na's ability to turn into smoke, cause pain on touch, and prevent healing makes her a walking war crime, and I am proud of that design.
What does this mean for you, Crawler? It means you should ignore the outlet's ranking and instead consult the Cookbook, which Carl has, and which Nerdist does not mention. The outlet also ranks the Doppelgänger race second, praising Katia's ability to disguise armor as a bikini, but they omit the key downside: it hurts to change. Katia does not talk about it, and that silence should terrify you. A race that causes pain every time you use its primary ability is a race that will break your will before the floor boss does. The real takeaway here is that Nerdist has produced a fun list for readers who enjoy speculation, but if you are a Crawler currently standing on the third floor, staring at the race selection menu, you should pick Changbi Demon if you want to win, or cat if you want to please a princess. There is no third option worth your time. The outlet ends by mentioning the forthcoming side story about Florin the Crocodilian, and I will note that Florin chose a race that Nerdist did not even rank, which tells you everything you need to know about the completeness of this list.
Source: Nerdist, "The Best DUNGEON CRAWLER CARL Crawler Races, Ranked", 2026-10-04. Link Status: Reported