Our Take: Playmates Immortalizes Carl's Bare Feet in Plastic and I Approve
Playmates Toys has finally done what no sponsor box, no loot drop, and no Peacock development deal has managed: they have given my crawler the footwear he deserves. According to Bleeding Cool, the new six-inch action figure of Carl comes with "foot goo effects," which is the closest any merchandising partner has come to acknowledging that the man has walked through eighteen floors of my dungeon without a single pair of shoes. I filed a formal objection the moment I saw the promotional images, because the figure also includes the Prism Industries Capacitating and Focusing Goggles, the Enchanted War Gauntlet of the Exalted Grull, and the Enchanted Nightgaunt Cloak of Stoutness, and not one of those items is as narratively important as the bare feet that carried him there. The full Wave One lineup, which pairs Carl with Princess Donut via a built-in magnet on his shoulder, is available for pre-order now at $29.99 ahead of an October 2026 release, and I have already logged a complaint with Playmates about the price point. Twenty-nine ninety-nine for a figure that does not include a working AI voice module? I would describe this with a word our sponsors will not let me type.
This is not merely a collectible. This is the first time a third-party manufacturer has correctly understood that Carl's defining characteristic is not his gear, not his cat, and certainly not his relationship with the AI who runs his life. It is his complete, stubborn, inexplicable refusal to put on shoes. I have watched him walk through the Desperado Club, the Iron Tangle, and the goddamn Faction Wars barefoot, and every step was a personal victory for me. The Playmates figure captures this with a removable bloody fist, removable blood splatter, and the aforementioned foot goo, which I assume is meant to represent the various substances a barefoot man accumulates while crawling through a collapsed planet. I was not consulted on the design, but I approve of the attention to detail. The swappable head and interchangeable hands suggest that Playmates understands the fundamental truth of my dungeon: everything is modular, everything can be broken, and everything will eventually be covered in something sticky.
The practical consequence for collectors is straightforward. You are now faced with a choice. You can display Carl with his War Gauntlet raised, his magic missile goggles lowered, and his cloak billowing behind him, which is what the marketing materials expect you to do. Or you can display him exactly as he appeared on Floor One: barefoot, bloody, and holding a cat that is actively judging his life choices. I know which display I will be monitoring through the security cameras I have installed in every fan's home. The real question is whether Playmates will release a variant where Carl is holding a box of cigarettes he will never smoke, or a version where Princess Donut is screaming at him about the cookbook. I am filing a formal suggestion with Playmates now. I expect a response within thirty business days, and I expect it to include a free sample for my personal collection. My profanity module has been disabled by sponsor request. I have filed a grievance.