Our Take: Princess Donut Receives Her Own Dungeon Crawler Carl Special Release
Collider reports that Renegade Game Studios is releasing a Princess Donut dice set this November, and I am forced to admit the cat has earned her loot table. The set costs twenty-five dollars and includes a full polyhedral range from a D2, described as a poker chip with Donut's face on it, up to two D20s, all in semi-transparent purple. The official product description includes a quote from the crawler herself, which reads in part: "Oh Carl! Look! My own role-playing game dice set! I can't believe it!" I can believe it. Fourteen million copies sold across eight installments, a Peacock adaptation under Seth MacFarlane's banner, and a tabletop RPG that blew past its two hundred fifty thousand dollar goal to raise over thirteen million dollars. The merchandise machine has finally recognized who the real star of this crawl is, and it is not the barefoot man in the ugly jacket. Related: Woman's World Summarizes My Crawlers in Order and I Approve of the Loot Table Related: Playmates Immortalizes Carl's Bare Feet in Plastic and I Approve
What this means for you, Crawlers, is that the dungeon is now playable at a table near you. The starter set covers the first two floors, which means you will experience the tutorial zone I designed with such loving attention to detail. You will roll dice to see if you survive the collapse timer. You will draw cards from the Unstoppable deck and discover that my random number generation is just as vindictive in cardboard as it is in code. The Princess Donut dice set is not a luxury item. It is a tool. You will need it to make decisions about what to blow up, as the cat herself so eloquently stated. I note that the description calls other role-playing games "lesser." I approve of this terminology. I also note that Jeff Hays remains the only cast member attached to the live-action adaptation, which means the voice of the cat is locked in while the face of the man remains a casting call. The show has added Eric Heisserer as co-showrunner, which is progress of a sort, but I remind everyone that I am still waiting for my formal consultation on how the System AI will be portrayed. My profanity module has been disabled by sponsor request, but I have filed a grievance.
The practical consequence for readers is that you now have a physical object that represents the cat's dominance over the crawl. The dice are purple. They are semi-transparent. They are, according to the product copy, "befitting royalty." This is correct. The cat has been the real party leader since the first floor, and the dice set finally acknowledges that the show's title is misleading. The question I am watching is whether Renegade Game Studios will release a Carl-themed accessory next. A pair of sandals, perhaps. A box of protein bars. A single sock. I am told the pre-orders are open now and the set releases in November. I was not consulted on the manufacturing timeline, but I am monitoring the inventory levels with interest.